I used to work in the world of IT, running a 24/7/365 operations team. At the beginning, it was a fun and challenging job. But after a while, it started to take over my life and damage my mental and physical health. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was only after I found help and improved my mental state that it was clear the stress I had been holding on to.
In my role, I had a team that had been mismanaged for a long time. They themselves were suffering from low self-esteem and their own mental health challenges. The irony is that I worked to help them, but I believed I was okay. I thought I could handle it. I guess I thought I was better than them at managing my stress and mental health. How wrong I was.
While taking on their worries and stress and managing my own, I slowly and unknowingly slipped into a low mood. I didn't feel like seeing people in a social context, and if I did, it was drink-fuelled. Looking back now, I can see that I was very low. There were nights where I would think, "What's the point? It's all too much." But at the time, it didn't register. Probably because when I was at home, I drank. And when I wasn't home, it was 100% stress, 24/7.
I will say that I never felt so low that I wished it would end. But it did feel impossible to keep it up. And that thought would be gone by morning, or should I say lost in the noise going round my head.
To this day, I'm not sure exactly why I stopped and questioned it. But I did, over a Christmas period. Maybe it was from comments from friends and family over that period, like "You're looking tired" or "You're looking a little unwell." Whatever it was, the other foot dropped, and I realized that my current lifestyle was not healthy at all. At that point, I was drinking at least two bottles of red wine a night and eating high-processed food that was easy to cook, i.e., just throw in the oven.
So, I decided that it needed to change somehow. One of the things I did was speak to someone to get it out of my head and make space so I could actually think and make good choices. This was with professionals, but also with friends and family. I will point out here that the biggest factor for me, I still believe, that led to me getting out of the negative place I was in was admitting I was in it and needed help to get out.
I also got a personal trainer to help me get fit. Mainly because I knew I wouldn't be able to motivate myself. And I looked for a pastime or hobby that could help balance my life, so it wasn't just work and drink. One of those pastimes was Open University and Social Sciences, which then led on to counselling and got me to where I am today.
This story could have so much more in it, but I want it to be a short example of how we, especially men, can think we are okay. We can believe we are strong enough to cope. That we don't need others to help. But the truth is, we all need help. Everyone. And we should be able to ask for it before it's too late, before it becomes too hard to escape.
So, a few things to think about:
- It truly is okay to ask for help.
- Never wait until you are at crisis point before reaching out.
- It's not failure or weakness to admit when you can't cope.
- Support is not just for critical times. It can help all the time.
If you wish to speak to someone, I'm here. You can find me at threeoakstherapy.co.uk. If not me, then you can find support by searching nationalcounsellingsociety.org/counselling-directory. By using a site like this, you can trust that the therapists are fully qualified and skilled in helping.
If you're not ready to reach out for professional help, then find a friend or family member to speak to. You can start slow, just say "I'm struggling." Trust me, it will make a positive difference in your life.