Relationship Anxiety

By Martin Truscott, NCPS Accredited Counsellor and Polyvagal-Informed Practitioner · Three Oaks Therapy · March 2023

Relationship anxiety is a common problem that affects many people. It can be something that creeps into a relationship over time, or it can be there before the relationship has even started. It can be a natural response to feeling like we need someone, or it can be brought on by the fear of rejection, abandonment and perceived failure.

What Is Relationship Anxiety

Relationship anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness and unease about a relationship. It can be caused by many different things, including the fear of being intimate with your partner, or that you won’t be able to make your partner happy or keep them interested in you, resulting in them leaving you. It can also come from past relationship experiences that have created a pattern of anxiety around any relationship that is hard to break (e.g., trauma).

Relationship anxiety can be caused by many things, including being in a new relationship. If you're starting to date someone and are feeling anxious, it may be because you're afraid of the future or unsure if this person is right for you.

If your partner is constantly making demands on you and pressuring you to do things to keep them happy, your anxiety is likely to increase over time as well. It's important to say that anxiety in a relationship isn't always about you. Sometimes it is a sign that something in the relationship isn't safe. If you feel controlled, frightened of your partner, or unable to leave because of what they might do, that isn't relationship anxiety – it may be abuse, and support is available.

If you are worried about your safety:

In an emergency, call 999.
National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (free, 24 hours).
Men's Advice Line (for men experiencing domestic abuse): 0808 801 0327.

Symptoms of Relationship Anxiety

The symptoms of relationship anxiety are often subtle and can be difficult to spot. You may not even realise you're experiencing them until someone points them out, or you read about them in this article.

The most common symptoms include:

Being overly sensitive to criticism from others
Being overly critical of yourself and others
Tending to blame yourself for things that aren't your fault

How to Handle Relationship Anxiety

If you have relationship anxiety, it's likely that you are feeling overwhelmed by the situation. Consider talking to a friend or family member who can help support you during this time.

Talking can help on both sides of the relationship too. Your partner may also be feeling worried or unsure about what will happen next. Try to communicate openly and honestly with each other, so you both know where you stand and can work together on any issues that come up – today, tomorrow and beyond.

Try not to change each other into someone else or a "perfect match". Instead, focus on being honest and supportive. The most important thing when dealing with relationship anxiety is that you both feel safe and comfortable enough with each other to move forward together – and if that isn't possible, it's okay to recognise that too.

Relationship anxiety is a very real thing, and it can cause a lot of stress in your life. But there are ways to deal with this issue and move on from it. If you're experiencing relationship anxiety, don't feel bad about it! You aren't alone – many people experience it. The key is finding ways to help yourself through this difficult time: maybe by talking with others who have been through similar experiences or trying some self-care techniques such as meditation.

If relationship anxiety is getting in the way, you don’t have to work through it alone. Book a free 20-minute chat — in person at Broughton Gate, Milton Keynes, or online anywhere in the UK.

Email: [email protected]
Enquiry form: threeoakstherapy.co.uk/#contact
Martin Truscott · NCPS Accredited Counsellor · Polyvagal-Informed Practitioner
Broughton Gate, Milton Keynes MK10 · Online sessions across the UK